Feeling much brighter today and slowly get used to the idea of Reeve not being around anymore. I was avoiding being at home by myself. Nuts that I am, I would constantly talk to Reeve, give him lots of cuddles and we would often sit and share a bag of maltesers. I just couldn’t face being at home on my own knowing he isn’t here anymore. For the last part of the month he slept most of the time and even stopped greeting me so much but still, he was here. My ‘carpet dog’ I used to call him as that’s all he ever did. Lie around on the carpet.

Yesterday afternoon and evening was terrible. I couldn’t stop crying and asking ‘why, why, why’ I just wanted him back. I knew he couldn’t come back of course, but my emotions weren’t taking any notice.

I’ve got used to the blank space where he used to lie around. I’m getting used to him not being here and he’s not constantly on my mind.

I’ve been spending some time at the allotment this week to take my mind off things. And its worked. Got a lot done too. Got some lettuces planted, cherry tomatoes and lots of herbs in the greenhouse. Got some wigwams put up for the peas and planted those too.

I was on the allotment on Sunday and one of the lads from another allotment so all my weeds growing and got stuck in with me clearing them.

Planted and growing so far:

Early potatoes, herbs, hybrid blackberries, gooseberries, rhubarb, some flowers, lettuces, tomatoes, onions, red onions and mushrooms in the shed. I love being there, it’s so peaceful and serene which helps me to switch off. John and me met up after I’d taken Harry to Nursery, got some gravy and chips and sat for half an hour in the greenhouse eating our lunch. Bliss! I wanted to go back there with the kids after school trying to avoid coming home. I came straight home instead and actually wasn’t as bad as I thought. I’ve done it now.

I feel a twang every so often but it isn’t as bad anymore. Or should I say, it isn’t so overwhelming.

I’m enjoying life again and at the end of the day, he had a great life, he was adored by us all and was treated with respect and dignity right up to the very end. I used to call Reeve ‘labradorable’ and that sums him up completely.

It’s amazed me how many people who’ve stopped me in the street, text me, emailed me and passed on messages. Note to self: I must let more people know about my blog.

Anyway, I’m feeling more positive and happy again feeling focused on the things I enjoy so I think I might actually do some scrapbooking tonight.

There are four children upstairs playing army and telling me they are hungry so I’d better get to work.